- my moments with music` ]] ~~

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

In the process of job dilemma again !

Opp! I did it again........................

must...keep...busy...
i'm definitely more hormonal than usual..Am having a really big pim pim on my face and now had dried up. .*bleaaacch* I just can't face the world with a pim pim, I will hate the mirror and develop an anti-social behavior with myself and self -wallow...I can't even eat wif pim pim. I will think about my pim pim the whole day and I will whin to others till others feel bad about themselves! Well, I am a vain gal .

so pardon my ramblings about my never-ending search for a way to earn a living. i just need to keep hands and mind busy, so as thoughts will not stray. and what i say one day does not necessarily mean my views remain the same another day. psycho? yes....aren't we all?

Should I leave my position as medical tech or research assistant A.K.A walking Zombie in NUH ?

Should I take the risk of been jobless zombie after the end of the March ?

DO I LIKE BORING WORK?
DNA XTRACTION then PCR then RUN AGAROSE GEL then DIGEST then RUN GEL???? TILL research fund run gong gong???

DO I LIKE WORK THAT REQUIRE ME TO STAND LONG HOURS FROM VERY EARLY IN THE MORNING TO 5pm? AND paid miserably ? SOME MORE TRAVEL A LONG DISTANCE to work?but have 30 days leave on top of MC leaves and with free meals and health benefits as you are a PErmenant Staff (At Last ;D )? Am i going to do sales? Am I going to face unreasonable people that will slap u on your face and u got to pretending nothing happen like a fool? Do I really like people?

Last of all, ...........I MISSed HSA !!!!!! I am thinking about my colleagues in HSA, on how they had impacted my life although it is 2 and the half months. They had let me discover that .... how i loved people, human is the more tedious things to learnt , as deep as a bottomless pit, as borderless as an universe. Handling people realtionship is like a double edged sword , u work well with them , it will be a infinate gain. If u can't handle well, ....then u are in deep shit, they can ruin u too. I realised that how generous people can bring to me ....although I can't help much to them . I am so ashamed sometimes. I remembered Miss Norita ( my final year in sec school form teacher) ; she said once " If u have a thing that people like it and that you can give that particular thing to people, give it . They will remember u forever. "

Back to topic.....Am I going to waste my youth in an enclosed environment, shut out of the world, doing the thing that is simply required me to be dull and control my freedom of expression? Am i comfortable with 9 to 5 work that do the same thing and more reading AND MORE READING and by just doing this , waiting for paycheck ? AM I satisfied with this safe (not really) and slow paced life?

I believe i may be one of "permanent freelancers or temps". after i learn something, i'm hungry for other things to learn. I know that some may feel this shouldn't be the way, with bad track records in your CV, but perhaps i haven't found something that i want to really own. I would stay longer, but it feels ethically wrong to stay in a company where
1) the boss insults you and possess no leadership qualities AND is determined to hold you back; and
2) lack of sleep due to the dullness of the job ...it's strangest way and the most effective way to make u feel drowy although u had slp from 8pm to 6.30am in the morning.(the rest of the staff in company is now officially zombie-looking)I just don't know anymore. all i can imagine is the world is a blob, and its eating me up, slowly..painfully..pride gets in my way of asking for help, as i never want to burden others, probably thats why i'm so down...hmmm..what's a girl to do? at least i had my blog to drown my sorrows...

What I Want to get in my life?
I wan a happening life......a job by the end of the day , learnt something about life, something that can touches me , learnt something about me, learnt something about people, breathe the air of the wonderful world outside and goes on dealing with shitty people with such a shitty atitudes so that I can laugh secretly on how they make a fool of themselves..... I like to have a life.....of excitement. The pay? Is essential but not the foremost important........(ya la , the more the better)

Pardon my ramblings about my never-ending search for a way to earn a living. i just need to keep hands and mind busy, so as thoughts will not stray. and what i say one day does not necessarily mean my views remain the same another day. psycho? yes....aren't we all?
SIANz...
Work is all in my mind now..... ( but it is better than been a lovelorn sickening freak)

Anonymous scribbled this at 4:41 AM...